Choosing Faith

Over the last several years something in me had changed. Tired of "doing my own thing" with lousy results, tired of living an on-the-fence Christianity, I made a decision to believe the truth of God's Word and live purposefully. Now that I was serious about living a faith-life, I was more aware of God’s action and presence in every day life. Could this recurring idea of a prayer garden be a testing ground?

I paid attention to quiet inner promptings I used to ignore. Sometimes, people I didn’t even know spoke words that confirmed what was in my heart. This reinforced the conviction that God was trying to tell me something through what I was “seeing” and “hearing”. Despite the sense that something beyond myself was in play, it was hard to believe it was anything but my own imagination. Doubt, excuses, and fear collaborated and wrestled in my mind. I didn’t have the financial resources and didn’t know where to start. The whole idea seemed out of reach.

On the other hand, I thought: What if God is speaking to me? How can I know?  How will I ever know if I’m not willing to step out? Isn’t that what faith is? I came to the conclusion that I would rather stand before the Eternal God and say “I did what I thought I heard You say”, instead of “I heard but was afraid”. These thoughts inspired a poem called "I Choose Faith".

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I Choose Faith

The life I live is not what I thought it would be, back when.

Back when I thought things should be tidy,

Tied up with bows, and presented on silver platters.

Truth is, they’re not and never will be.

Truth is, the bows unravel no matter how tight I tie them.

The platters are tarnished and dented, banged about and thrown at walls

that do not give in to my demands.

But I choose faith, not fear.

I will not be afraid of the path taken in the dark night;

I will not be afraid of ships sinking in a roiling sea;

I will not be afraid of shouts or whispers warning of future doom

for my children--for those I hold close and tight.

For the world--crumbling, wasting, consuming, burning.

I choose faith, not fear.

The kingdom of the world is failing;

The kingdom of heaven is reigning;

Though What Is seems not to be

And What Is Not asserts its false presence as though it were,

I choose faith, not fear.

In faith, I love those who untie my bows and break my platters.

In faith, I see the light at the end of the dark path;

In faith, I know my ship will ride the roiling sea;

Faith silences the voices that speak impending doom;

Faith inspires the faithful to serve, to love, to create, to solve, to give.

And so we bring the peace and light of What Is into What Is Not.

I choose faith, not fear.

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I began to tell a few people about my vision. I still wasn't sure--it seemed unreal and impossible at the time--but that is part of the faith walk. Talk is one thing. Stepping out is another, and so I did.

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